we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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