Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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