if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
