I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I love you.
Bad choice
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