I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
