I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I cut my penus on the lid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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