haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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