Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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