A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
