so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
