you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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