Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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