Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
this beer tastes like vomit already
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
FUCK WHALES
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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