woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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