This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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