New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Pooping to opera.
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