I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
