Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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