No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I love you.
Bad choice
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize