Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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