I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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