Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
