There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
