I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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