what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
