Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
