whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
