Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the day after is always just damage control
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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