So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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