In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
