its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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