I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
