Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
