I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
