The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
