Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
