Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I came so hard my ears popped.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
