He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
there is glitter all over my balls
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
