I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
