My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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