so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
