Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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