i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
