I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
