Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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