I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
