is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
babies were throwing up all over the place
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
