hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
