Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
