; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
