Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
