So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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