I think I won the penis lottery.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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