After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
