This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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