You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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