anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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