he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize