dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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